Well Xanga is back..but I'm not going to cancel my tabulas in case Xanga gets shut down..(again) but let's pray not...I dont know..I feel more motivated to write in a Xanga than Tabulas..but thats okay..I'll have to come back and visit to see if Han has any new gay yellow pictures and if he leaves me any comments! (although he should start visiting my xanga I guess...=P ::GohngJooPyung:.anyway...that is it for now..byeeeee

So yeah...woke up today and I actually organized all my paperwork for Chapel Hill...even though I discovered that I hadn't turned in my federal work study crap so I'm like omg what am I going to do? So my dad's gonna have to help me with that...Um..yeah I didn't do anything (other than pack stuff) until tonite...I went to Han Sol's church cuz ::surprise surprise:: Brian told me to come..he had something of 'mine'..but as I found out when I got there..he made a video CD for me ::awwww::. So that was cool..Han Sol came all late (and so did HAN! cough cough)..but yeah..service was good..Jerry's always a good speaker (oh did I mention the other nite I talked to Will..that was a great convo). Um yeah so during service Gian oppa called me..(oops I should have called him back) and I thought that was weird. Then LAOMAR called me ::shock of my life::, I told myself not to pick up the phone..but I was like screw it..so I did..and it was like..he didn't apologize or I mean show any kind of...guilt for not talking to me this whole freakin week. Then he was all mad that I was at church...so I'm like whatever. Other than the fact we talked till 11 about nothing important..I straight asked him what was the deal between me and him since we're leaving for school..and he just changed the subject!!! I'm like ohhhhhhhkay..and yeah I could have done the breaking up..but I don't know..I was just too irritated to do it. But I mean, it doesn't even seem like we're 'together' anymore...he doesn't talk to me the same way anymore..no wait, he's talking to me the way he did before we actually got together..I don't know..next time I talk to him, it's definitely going to have to be we're officially not together anymore....not to be mean, I mean I love Lame-O to death and hope we're friends forever...but like every other boyfriend (almost), they (and he) just irritate me the worst cuz I like them the most. Whatever, boys suck now. So yeah...guess that's it..wow short entry for once (hmm..happy Hapy?) lol nitie nite

So I uh...woke up late..about 11ish..that's pretty late...even for princess. Um..yeah..guess the 'partying' late last nite got the best of me...oh boy. lol. Anyway, so I just laid around the house..yeah...slept on the couch...my dad tried to get me to go out..but I was like naaaahhhhhhh...so yeah um started getting ready to go out...headed out around 2ish..dad was being a butthole or whatever..but WHO CARES! so yeah...took my mom to get medicine...took her to henry's...then i went to pick up the bro...took him to tkd...errr...oh yeah saw grandmaster...she's back from korea..but she's like sick...i don't know. So yeah me and my mom went to the mini mall...chilled with mr. ashley while i picked out some sneakers since i will be doing mad walking at chapel hill..got some nike's..whoo hoo...and mr. ashley gave me $5 (plus he said he was going to buy me some shoes..hopefully some air force ones)...so with that $5 plus the $5 my mom owed me, i had enough for a sub! so me and my mom grubbed on a buffalo chicken sub...yummy...and the mini mall had swords and knives..omg they that the '2 swords in one' thing.. ( i need to find out the name) i was like i want that! cuz I want the 2 knives in one for my car (self defense)...so then we picked up the bro from tkd...i watched the 2001 (?) world poomse championship...man poomse demos have gotten so WACK..they were sooo phat when i was little, but now, it's like dancing...breakdancing..it's so STUPID..i was like they don't need a competition for this crap...this isn't art..it's crap. So right in between all this, Alex FINALLY gets in touch with me...she's leaving tomorrow for uncg so a few friends were gathering at java cafe for like one last nite...so i left for that at 7:30...it was fun. it was me, cheryl, alex and her friends trey and stefan. trey was funnie as hell...he's such a redneck..and stefan is just sweet...i was surprised like wow 2 preppy white boys hanging out with us...jared wouldn't even do that (the lame)...so we just talked about school...boys...gay people....free food at mi casita...cheryl's ghetto booty..alex's boobs...trey's boobs...and yeah that was it...liz showed up all late...the guys left and yeah they said i had a hot car..whoo hoo...so then yeah...we left java cafe...said our final goodbyes..cuz liz is going to ecu and alex will be at uncg but we me and cheryl will be rockin it at chapel hill...yay. So yeah then i took liz home came home about 945 expecting my parents to call any minute on the way home but they didnt' call...and when i came to the door my mom's like you're early..and i'm like what? she's like i wasn't expecting you until 1030...i was like wow...and i felt good cuz my parents weren't down my throat about the time, and were gonna let me stay out late (i guess cuz last nite i drove home late and my mom saw i was capable of that)..so yeah...and i proved to my parents i can come home at a reasonable time without their discretion...OHHH! i bought the cutest shoes today...they're red guess sneakers...yay...only thing is lame is going to make fun of me for buying nc state red sneaks..oh well..not like he's talking to me to find out! So yeah..I had a good day. Now I'm talking to Jared...and I will get to do my laundry for free...Jared's gonna pay for it, I just have to do his as well but that's not a problem. Man, Han Sol's had a rough day...I really hope everything works out for her..I feel sooooo bad. I just hope her dad comes to his senses and just sees han sol's grown enough to make her own decisions..

I don't know what I wish for exactly...I look back on my life and look at all I wanted to from a kid till now...and how I missed out on a lot of opportunities just because I couldn't afford it...I remember constantly telling my dad, everytime something came up like a leadership conference, a convention, a pagaent...I'd lie and say no I don't want to go/participate...don't worry about it, even when my dad would insist..but I just let it go, because I know how hard my dad works just for the money we have now and I wouldn't want him to stress anymore than he already does to give us what he does. Like today, I get a packet from the Miss North Carolina pagaent...I'm in....I just have to pay my fee of $200 by next Friday...which I know we can't afford...and my dad's like I can put that together if you really want to do it (and of course I really want to do this pagaent, I've wanted to be in this pagaent since I was a little girl)...but I just said no...cuz it's the $200 then I have to buy a suit, an evening gown..a swimsuit...pay for hair..and makeup...I just can't do all that...so my one childhood dream falls right into my hands...and I can't even make it come true. And anyway, there's a swimsuit competition part too...I can't do that...then that's where I get mad at myself for not...being skinny and fit. It didn't make it any better when my mother's friend calls me today to tell me to lose weight. Now I just feel a whole lot better about myself..all of a sudden..I don't even want to go to school now and deal with all those people. I don't know anymore~~well I need to go take a shower..later